We spend a lot of time on the road here in Southern California, which means the chances of being on the giving or receiving end of road rage are higher than they might be in other places.
In fact, a recent Forbes survey looking into the country’s most confrontational drivers found that California scored the highest through nine metrics, from being purposefully cut off to receiving rude gestures.
So if you find yourself getting angry at someone else's driving, or if you're the recipient of a middle finger from someone passing you on the freeway, what are some ways to handle it that don't involve retaliating with anger or dangerous driving behavior?
LAist's daily news program AirTalk, which airs on 89.3 FM, put this question to listeners (and a psychologist specializing in anger management) to hear what the best practices for navigating road rage are.
Rage reasoning: anonymity and goal-thwarting
Before we even get to tips on how to deal with road rage, consider one of the things that makes it so easy to get mad behind the wheel in the first place — the idea that no one knows who you are.
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“If you're in a coffee shop, you're face-to-face — there’s a lot of obvious social pressures to behave in a pro-social way. But in the car, some people may have the fallacy that they are protected by anonymity,” says Bob Nemerovski, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping adults with problematic anger and anxiety.
And this illusion of anonymity might embolden us to do things or act in a way we might not if we were in a different environment.
Another factor driving (pun absolutely intended) road rage is the feeling that someone else is preventing us from reaching our destination or achieving a goal — the thing we set out on the road to accomplish in the first place.
“Driving is actually a goal-directed behavior, we’re all trying to get from point A to point B,” says Nemerovski. “We can get pretty upset [when] our goal-directed behavior is being thwarted by others.”
Nemerovski adds that it's natural for us to feel like the goal we're pursuing while driving is the most important reason to be on the road that day, but notes it's important to remember that everyone around you is probably thinking the very same thing.
OK, so now that we know some of the things that make us rage in the first place, how can we cut it off (sorry just too many opportunities for driving puns with this topic) before it reaches a boiling point?
Driving as a competition
AirTalk listener Dan in Studio City shared one way to stay positive — make a (harmless) game out of driving.
“I'm a very competitive person. So what I do when I'm driving to work… if someone cuts in front of me or moves in front of me, I give myself a point,” Dan said. “I make it sort of a competitive thing that I'm coming out a winner… but it also helps me be generous toward other drivers. And then it kind of becomes a habit.”
Approach this method with caution and common sense though — although it may seem like a worthwhile gamble to lane-hop your way around, remember that other drivers are trying to get to their destination promptly too, and weaving in and out of traffic often leads to greater congestion by forcing others to adapt to your free-wheeling behavior.
Kill 'em with kindness
Hannah in East Hollywood shared some advice she and her sister got from their parents — be nice.
"When somebody's tailgating you or cutting you off and they...stare at you angrily, always give a thumbs up or smile or wave. [They said] that would confuse the heck out of them, and nine times out of 10, it usually does."
Bringing life’s troubles to the wheel
Another way to get in front of anger whilst driving is asking yourself if you're really upset about something a fellow driver did to you, or whether there are underlying feelings at play from something else that happened in your day or that's going on in your life.
“Perhaps [you’re] a little bit of hurt or, or anxiety or tension… and then you get behind the wheel of a thousand pound, metal object, going quite fast…it can inadvertently wind up channeling your energy onto situations in the road that might normally not even catch your attention,” Nemerovski says.
Being emotionally troubled can show up in a host of ways in your day-to-day life, driving is no exception. So make sure to step back and think about whether the driving scenarios you experience are worth arguing over or if you just need to process your emotions.
Carl in Studio City shared how a change in perspective on life helped him be calmer as a driver — he said he had to change his more assertive driving habits once he became a parent.
“When I had my son, I was like, 'You know what? I can't do that anymore.' So I would just sort of enjoy the driving experience with him. We'd play music. I'd turn on classical music…I've found helps not only keep us calm but gets him ready for his school day.”
Setting your expectations
Another way to deal with road rage is to get ahead of it by setting your expectations before you even start your journey.
One of our listeners, Jenny in Silver Lake, shared “Prior to getting into my car, I just tell myself there’s going to be a lot of traffic and [think about] what I could listen to to make the drive more pleasant. I find it to be a time to relax and enjoy the privacy.”
In other words, it's L.A. Wherever you're going, there's likely to be traffic. And you can't control traffic, just your place in it, so accepting the reality of the situation before you even leave your driveway can also help curb some of that anger.
Walk (or drive) a mile shoes
There's a saying that goes something like "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." Psychologist and anger management specialist Bob Nemerovski says this idea is worth keeping in mind when you get frustrated behind the wheel.
One tool he recommends is imagining what's going on in the other driver's life that might be causing them to drive erratically or get frustrated with how you're driving.
“[You could] make fun of the other driver, but not in a way that would foster aggression. Sort of like, 'oh yeah, they're probably on their way to the gym — they need to go to the gym.' Or 'they need to take their car in to get all those dings taken care of.' Or maybe it's something more compassionate, like they're on their way to see an elderly relative."
Sometimes it’s good to let your creativity fly, making up scenarios the other driver could be dealing with that can either be empathetic or more so meant to make yourself laugh during a tense time. Explaining away a person's unnecessary speed as needing to go to the restroom or reaching their pregnant wife could help calm things down.
A listener, Patty in Encino, told us a bit she does that serves as a way of offering empathy and a laugh.
“I have a pet peeve about people not signaling, so I keep a sign that I put on poster board that says ‘Excuse me, but I believe your turn signal is broken,'” Patty said. “I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I know that's probably wrong, but maybe their turn signal is broken.”
