In January 2024, Gloria de la Rosa crossed from Nogales, Mexico to Tucson, Arizona to reunite with her four children, who she’d been separated from for 14 years, while in the process of trying to legalize her status.
When Gloria de la Rosa learned that she would get her green card and could return to the U.S., she knew she was coming back to a changed family. Speaking to reporter Fernanda Echavarri the days leading up to her return, de la Rosa said she was nervous.
“Porque en 14 años ya creo que ya no los conozco. Ya no sé sus gustos,” said de la Rosa.
(“I don't really know my kids anymore. I feel like I have to start again to get to know them,” said de la Rosa.)
Why Gloria was separated from her family
Gloria de la Rosa originally came to the U.S. on a tourist visa. She married her husband, Arsenio, a U.S. citizen, in Tucson, Arizona in 2003.
She tried to legalize her status the same year, but the notary filed the wrong paperwork. In 2008, she tried to adjust her status again, this time leaving the U.S. to apply for her green card in Mexico, as has long been required for many undocumented spouses of U.S. citizens. But because she had been living in the U.S. undocumented for several years, she incurred a ten-year bar to reentry, the penalty for having been in the U.S. without legal immigration status for more than a year.
De la Rosa remembers traveling to the U.S. Consulate in Ciudad Juarez, where the U.S. official told her he had heavy news — that she wouldn’t be able to attempt to reenter the states for 10 years.
She would have to leave behind her four children, ages 4 to 16, and her much older husband, who had health issues.
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“Se me acabó la vida allí. Ya no alcancé ni a respirar,” de la Rosa said. “Ya no tenía ganas de vivir.”
(“My life ended right there. I couldn’t even breathe,” de la Rosa said. “I couldn’t find any will to want to live.”)
President Joe Biden recently announced a “parole in place” program, which is meant to address situations like de la Rosa’s. The program will allow undocumented spouses of U.S. citizens to adjust their status without having to leave the country and without incurring a potential bar to re-entry.
Fourteen years apart
Gloria de la Rosa got a small apartment in Nogales, Mexico, just across the border, and found work as a house cleaner. She tried her best to parent her kids from afar, talking to them on the phone and sending food and medicine back with them when they visited.
On the other side of the border, her four kids had to learn how to take care of each other. The oldest son, Jim, would grow up and join the Marines, then leave to come home to take care of his younger siblings and his sick father, who later passed away. The second oldest, Bill, acted like the family’s one-man public relations team — getting media coverage on his mother’s situation and helping her through legal paperwork.
At nine-years-old, Naomi de la Rosa became the de facto mom to the youngest, Bobby de la Rosa, who was four. She described how she dressed him, helped with homework and made shadow puppets for him when he had trouble falling asleep.
“I feel like she's my best friend and she's my mother figure,” Bobby de la Rosa said. “She raised me since I was four. I'm more close to my sister than I am with my mom.”
Return from Mexico
On Jan. 20, 2024, Gloria de la Rosa walked through the U.S. port of entry with her son Bill, down the long ramp to the clicks of reporter cameras.
After being reunited with her children, the de la Rosas drove to the cemetery to visit the grave of Gloria’s husband, Arsenio de la Rosa.
Then, they drove to the family’s house, an hour north in Tucson. Before entering, Gloria de la Rosa marveled at a cactus that she’d planted over a decade ago, which now towered over her.
The next morning, Naomi de la Rosa remembered waking up to the smell of bleach. Her mother had cleaned the house top to bottom, and had made tortillas de harina and papas con chorizo, Bobby’s favorite.
Like waking up from a coma
After the elation of reunification, reporter Fernanda Echavarri says she also noticed moments of tension, especially with Gloria de la Rosa’s relationship to her youngest, Bobby de la Rosa, who is now 18.
Gloria de la Rosa made comments about Bobby’s eating habits, which made him uncomfortable, a situation that boiled over during a family dinner at Chili’s.
When the server brought their food, Gloria de la Rosa told Bobby his meal was too heavy for the time of night.
“Es que es por tu salud. Le digo yo como mamá, tengo que velar por la salud de cada uno de ustedes,” Gloria said.
(“It's for your health. I tell you as a mother. I have to ensure the health of each one of you.”)
“I just shut her off immediately,” Bobby said. “And I was like I hate eating with you”
Naomi, 23, said that’s when she stepped in.
“And I'm like, Bobby, it's not okay for you to tell my mom to be quiet. We're out in public. And then I tell my mom, ‘You know, like, he's a big boy. He needs the calories and it's okay for him to eat. I want you guys to, you know, soak up the moment. We're having dinner as a family right now, even if it's just us three.’ And then she's like, ‘Okay, I'm sorry.’”
Bobby said he apologized to his mom as well.
Naomi told Echavarri that they’re all figuring out how to be a family again.
“Let's say you go (into) a coma and you forget everything. You need to start from scratch. And I feel like that's what my mom's going through right now,” Naomi said.
De la Rosa told Echavarri, “Ellos me están conociendo a mí y todos estamos dañados. Va a tardar todavía hasta que me me vuelva a adaptar.”
(“They [the kids] are getting to know me and we are all damaged. It's going to take a while until I adapt again.”)
Based on reporting by Fernanda Echavarri, immigration reporter and senior producer for Futuro Studios.
Listen to the audio version of this story on Imperfect Paradise: Return from Mexico.
